Ten Tips for Parents beginning the College Search and Application

1.  College chat with your child: Limit college-related discussions to once or twice a week and not at the dinner table.  Don’t bug your child every minute about the application process; instead set up specific times to discuss college-related items.  Do not allow the process to take over your life, your student's life, or your relationship with your son or daughter. 

2.  College chat with other parents: Avoid the temptation to compare notes with other parents – there are always lots of horror stories that parents love to pass around.  Often they are not true or parents don't know the full story. Talk to your school counselor or seek professional advice elsewhere (see IECA) but do your best to stay out of the cocktail party/soccer game frenzy.

3.  The parent’s school of choice: If there is a school you really want your son or daughter to like (perhaps your alma mater), keep your feelings to yourself; the more you push the less likely they will be to like it.  Also plan your visit to that particular school (or any school!) with care – don’t visit a college on a Saturday morning (when students are typically in bed) or as #6 on a long college trip.  Instead, opt to tour on a Friday afternoon so you can see and feel the energy and excitement in the students.

4. Money:  Talk honestly about money.  Figure out what you can realistically afford, educate yourself on the financial aid process, and share your limits with your student.  The saddest cases are when a student gets in to a first choice school but then the parent is not willing to pay the bill.  And there are very few colleges (if any) that are worth graduating from with thousands of dollars of debt.

5. Essay:  Don't edit your students essay – colleges can smell an adult's hand miles away.  Let them write and offer to lightly check for grammatical and spelling mistakes or offer to get professional help.  College admissions officers will know the student's English grades and will have access to his or her Writing sample on the ACT/SAT.  Too good can be too bad!

6.  Medium-sized schools in big cities: Practically every student who comes to me today says he or she is looking for a "medium-sized school in a big city." What students don't realize is that they will likely not have the money nor the time to take advantage of all the offerings of a city.  And schools in more obscure and remote locations (think Colgate or Colby) actually tend to have more unified student bodies as students stay on campus and make their own fun.  And while 2000 students may be the same size as many high schools, in college 2000 plays much bigger: students are much more likely to get to know students in all four years.  I love to ask senior girls how many freshmen boys they hang around with in high school:  "none," but in college that might not be so unusual.  Focused and self-driven kids tend to do well at any size school.  I do not recommend huge schools for kids who are not pretty independently driven.

7.  Graduation from Harvard does not guarantee success and happiness:   A student's ultimate success and happiness will depend on how they take advantage of the many opportunities at whatever college or university they attend.   Look for colleges where students will have opportunities: opportunities to get to know professors, opportunities to get involved and hopefully ultimately lead clubs and activities, opportunities to do research, opportunities to get good internships, opportunities to make life-long friends.  Students need to make use of what comes their way – there are many routes to success and happiness.  I always warn that the number one factor that will determine whether or not a student is happy as a freshman is his or her college roommate.  A student saddled with a wacky roommate will have a tough time whether at Harvard, Haverford, or Hillsdale.

8.  Time-Off: Not everyone needs to go directly to college.  Think seriously if your student is ready, interested, and prepared to do the work.  A year of employment or volunteer work may help him or her to appreciate the gift of college!

9.  Begin the college process early:  By the time you get to the junior year, there is too much stress and pressure to devote the necessary time to the college process.  If you begin the discussion sophomore year (students need freshman year to adjust to high school), students still have the opportunity to make changes and can begin thinking about visiting various schools.  Two tips on visiting schools: Don't visit schools in summer when schools aren't in session and try to give northern schools a chance by not visiting in the dead of winter.

10.  Have fun with the process!  This is one task you and your child can work on together!  See it as a collaboration – laugh about the awful tour guide, make fun of your own crazy ideas, and appreciate that even though it does not seem like it when you are going through it, the process does sort itself out.  If you’re realistic and honest about your options, every student will end up success when it comes to the college process!